by Shauna Wallace
“I’m so disturbed,” she uttered, her expression confirming her sentiments. I don’t think she touched her food again. I, on the other hand, inhaled a deep breath of relief and cherished the moment in my heart. A genuine smile erupted from deep within as I assured her she wouldn’t always feel that way. Somehow, she found no comfort in my words. She was genuinely…well…disturbed.
“Welcome to big girl world, sweetheart,” I declared.
Tucked away in a corner booth at our local Panera Bread, I had just successfully introduced the topic of sex to my youngest daughter…
It was a milestone for both of us: she now knows how babies are made, and I had successfully given my last first-time sex talk.
Now that it’s over, I’m not sure whether to celebrate or cry. You see, introducing my daughters to sex and God’s incredible design for its purpose and pleasure in the context of marriage has become a sort of rite of passage in our family. It’s the inaugural address for their purity weekend, an intentional, very special getaway for the specific purpose of introducing the concept, challenges, and commitment to remain pure until marriage (more on that right here at The Laundry Moms next Wednesday).
By God’s grace, we’ve been able to wait until age thirteen with all three of our girls, and every one of them was completely shocked when they learned about sex. Didn’t have a clue. Didn’t really want to have a clue. And I’m thankful.
When public schools are introducing the subject in fifth grade, parents who want to be the ones to inform and shape their children’s beliefs about sex are forced to bring it up when their kids are way younger than thirteen. Or sometimes kids hear things or happen upon inappropriate images from other kids or sources and start asking questions. We know if we don’t bring it up, someone else will, and our children might not receive the right foundation upon which to build their ideas and convictions about sex. And let me say, I believe when a child develops curiosity, the best answer is an honest one, with the level of detail tailored to their age and maturity.
My kids never brought it up. They didn’t have questions, so when time came, I just had to dive in.
With my oldest daughter, I was a nervous wreck! I read books on how to talk to your kids about sex. I listened to a CD designed for parent and child to listen together. When it came time, I fumbled and bumbled through my very own vague explanation that God designed men and women to fit together like puzzle pieces, and that’s how to make a baby. That’s all she got. Poor girl. (Actually, my other daughters would probably consider her the lucky one!)
The middle daughter got the CD. Talk about a shocker! We laugh about it now, but it took her completely by surprise, and the fact that a man gave the talk didn’t help. Lord have mercy on me and my kids for the things I’d do differently in hind sight!
I guess the third time is a charm, even with sex talks. This time, I knew what to do. No books or CDs. I had total peace about a matter-of-fact, moderately detailed technical explanation immersed in a presentation of the goodness of our God, the beauty of His gift to husband and wife, and His perfect provision for family. She was disturbed, but I was delighted.
I felt like Goldilocks sitting down at the third bowl of porridge: it was just right – not too little detail, like my first daughter, because I chickened out. Not too much detail, like my middle daughter, because I chickened out. But just right, because the Holy Spirit to give me the exact words that were right for this youngest daughter.
These moments are precious – moments in which trust is purchased through the investment of time and love, and intimacy is deepened through truth and honesty. Moments we laugh about as my daughters retell their own experiences of being totally sideswiped by “the talk.”
Moments I’ll never forget.
But they’re just a beginning, not only to our purity weekends, but to an ongoing dialogue from that point forward. I’ll be back Wednesday to share more on our purity getaways. Will you join us?
An inspirational writer, teacher, and speaker, Shauna Wallace burns with passion to see women experience the fullness of God’s grace, faithfulness, peace, joy, protection, and provision by becoming wholly His. Finding hope and life in God’s word motivates her to help other women discover God’s power to transform lives. Transparent and real, she opens her life and heart to encourage others. She and her husband, James, serve their church, community, and clients of their custom home building business. As a homeschooling stay-at-home mother of four, Shauna treasures the privilege of being James’ helpmate and training her children in the ways of the Lord.
Check Out Shauna’s Blog Here!