Our Messy Love

Our Messy Love

by Terri Bonin

My closet fell apart again. It’s just a thing I’ll battle, I guess, forever! It feels like a stupid issue that I should be able to train myself out of but I’m apparently not that mature. I’ve Marie Kondo’ed my stuff several times, but that’s not exactly like hanging a picture on the wall where it will never move again. My stuff has a vendetta against me. Here’s the deal, though.. this amazing man has never tried to change me in this area!! What??? It baffles me! I know it gets on his nerves but HE. DOESN’T. SAY. ANYTHING!! In fact, he’ll even step into the mess for a morning hug and kiss!

What the heck?

Don’t get me wrong, we are not that couple that…



…gushes, “I married my best friend! Blah blah blah!…” It’s been a choice and a struggle to get here. This gesture of complete acceptance makes me wanna take my clothes off and add them to the pile. Know what I mean?

His hands have gravitated to that spot for the last 30 years. Sorry. Not sorry. 😛

Anyway, I’ve learned a lot from him in this area! The best way to change a person’s heart is to NOT try to change them at all, but to embrace the whole person. Trust me on this, your spouse knows his flaws and hates them too. The more you love the your whole spouse the more he will want to rise to the occasion. He may never completely beat that bad habit you both hate, but I promise, showing him disdain isn’t drawing into your heart.

Here’s an example, if my husband was fussing about my struggle, I would probably create a pile so large at the front door that he would have to climb over it to get in the house. (I wouldn’t actually do that, but I would want to!) But all marriages are filled with imperfect humans and choices. No one has a perfect spouse. No one! So I challenge you, what replays in your mind over and over about your spouse? Do you rehearse the ways he disappoints you, or do you think grateful thoughts about his positive qualities?
Determining to change another human is a bad idea! It just doesn’t work! The only person we can positively change is ourselves! But… and that’s a BIG BUT!…. Understand that loving a person well gives them the freedom to rise up and change. Love is a powerful force. It covers a multitude of sins. Does anyone else struggle with this?


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