Meaningful Communication with Your Hubby
There he sat, crossed-legged on the floor at Bible study, dressed in slightly worn Levi’s and a red flannel shirt with sleeves rolled up midway on his muscular forearms. His dark brown eyes and strong jaw line combined to form a picture of masculinity and sincerity. He was a third-year grad student with a well-worn Bible and seemed too good to be true. When he finally asked me out on a date, I began an adventure of discovering everything I could about this man: what his family members were like, his favorite food, his favorite subject in school, what he wanted in a wife, how many children he wanted, his favorite color, etc. I studied him like I was preparing for a final exam.
Perhaps when you met your future husband, you asked similar questions. And now that you’re married, you’ve only just begun to unlock the heart of your man. But how do we do it? How do we discover the treasures that may be locked away in the safe deposit box of a man’s soul? I believe it begins with…
…refining the art of intimate communication.
Talking is something that just comes natural to us girls. Research makes it clear that little girls are more verbal than little boys. Dr. James Dobson notes, “God may have given her (the wife) fifty thousand words per day and her husband only twenty-five thousand. He comes home from work with 24,975 used up and merely grunts his way through the evening. He may descend into Monday-night football while his wife is dying to expend her remaining twenty-five thousand words. That means when your husband comes home from work, he most likely is running low in the words department.”
When it comes to understanding how a man’s mind works in the words department, reading the newspaper is an effective exercise. A trained newspaper reporter will give the article a catchy title, and then he or she will list the important facts of the article in the first few sentences. If you are intrigued, you’ll read more. If not, you’ve gotten the gist of the situation in the first paragraph and that may be enough. Bingo. That’s how the male mind wants to receive information.
First get his attention. (During the middle of changing the oil in the car or during the last two minutes of an NFL playoff game might not be the best time to expect his full attention.) Give him a title. (“I need to talk to you about our son’s wrecking the car last night.”) Give him the main points. (“He was driving your car, exceeding the speed limit by twenty miles per hour, and hit a fence.”) Then move along to the other paragraphs of interest such as the ramifications and emotions. (“I am furious and think we should take the keys away from him for a month, make him pay for the damages, and insist he take the driver’s safety class for the next four Saturdays.”)
While these are good pointers for everyday conversation, intimate communication happens on a much deeper level. A man that may not enjoy chit-chat still longs for intimate communication with the woman of his dreams. If she’s smart, she’ll watch out for those rare invitations and RSVP with all the homing devices God has given her.
Many men hear echoes from childhood that falsely taunt, “Big boys don’t cry.” They recall teasing jabs of being called a “momma’s boy,” “wuss,” or “sissy” when they showed signs of weakness or heaven forbid – a tear. Very early in life, boys learn to hide their hurt under layers and layers of false manliness. Like gearing up with shoulder pads, helmets, and knee pads, mean wear protective coverings to prevent their emotions from being injured in the game of life. Only through the unconditional and accepting love of the woman of his dreams will he begin to shed the protective shield over his heart and expose the tenderness therein.
Have you noticed how God puts some of the most beautiful and precious treasures in rough and rugged exteriors? Inside a rough and craggy oyster shell lays the beautiful pearl; underneath the brown tough skin of a kiwi is veiled a vibrant delicious fruit; and in the dark recesses of a coal mine are buried valuable diamonds. While your man may appear to be rough and tough on the outside, just below the surface is a treasure.
Sharon Jaynes is popular speaker at women’s events and author of 18 books including Becoming the Woman of His Dreams-Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For and Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe. To find out more about Sharon’s speaking ministry visit www.sharonjaynes.com. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, The Praying Wives Club and Facebook.
 Dr. James Dobson, Solid Answers, (Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale, 1997) p398.