Making Sparks Fly In Your Marriage
Have you ever stopped to think about the magnetism between a man and a woman? Where did it come from? Why is it so strong? The answer: God put it there. Isn’t He ingenious?
My maternal grandmother had 12 children and 10 miscarriages. (Count them. Yes, that is 22). She was a farm girl who stayed pregnant most of her fertile life and died at the young age of 56. No wonder. My paternal grandmother was also a farm girl. She only had six children. Much to her mortification, I asked her how she prevented having children during the early 1900’s.
“I just didn’t do the evil thing.”
Oh my, “the evil thing,” as Grandma Edwards call it, was created by God to be anything but evil. Proverbs 5:18-19 says, “May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” Sex was God’s idea! God took great care to make sexual relations between a husband and a wife pleasurable, desirable and fulfilling. It is a sinful world that has taken God’s holy design and perverted, exploited and sullied it.
A typical males’ sex drive is not new news. But you know what I discovered while writing the book, Becoming the Woman of His Dreams? What a husband really desires more than anything is to see his wife sexually fulfilled. He longs to see her respond to him. He longs to know that she is sexually aroused by his touch and that he is a great lover. As Dr. Kevin Leman states, “There is not a man on the planet who doesn’t want to know he can make his woman go crazy in bed. He wants to please you even more than he wants to be pleased. If he fails to do that, for any reason, he’ll end up feeling inadequate, lonely and unfulfilled. Most men want to be their wives’ heroes.’”
A woman who fulfills her wifely duties out of obligation does not produce a contented husband. That would be like a husband handing his wife a dozen roses on their anniversary and saying, “I didn’t really want to buy you these roses, seems like a waste of good money to me. But I read in a book some where that I’m supposed to do something like this because it’s our anniversary. Hope you enjoy them.”
Let me share one of the secret desires that my survey respondents mentioned. Men dream of having their wives initiate intimacy more often. Notice I said, more often. Some of you are trying to remember if you’ve ever initiated intimacy, so imagine the joy on his face when you try it the first time.
But what will he think of me? Will he think I’m a wanton sex-crazed woman? He might hope that’s what you are, but he won’t think that. He might be utterly confused at your sudden desire, but one message will come across loud and clear. “She wants me! She wants me!” He will feel like his dreams have come true.
I’m not suggesting that a man wants his wife to initiate intimacy all the time. That isn’t the natural order of things; God created man to be the aggressor and woman to be the recipient. Even our bodies are crafted for such. Men are hunters and women are gathers. But I can promise you that every man like to feel hunted and captured by the woman of his dreams.
God designed intimacy to enrich marriage. Here are some ways you can bring enjoyment to both you and your spouse.
- Make the master bedroom the most beautiful room in the house. Why do we give so much attention to the living room and so little attention to the master bedroom where we spend almost 33% of our married lives? Avoid making it the catch all for unfolded laundry or paper clutter. The bedroom is for rest and romance; let’s make sure to created an environment that invites both.
- Invest in some yummy scented candles for the bedroom. Most of us look better by candlelight, so let’s make it enticing to the sense of smell as well.
- Play some soft music to set the mood.
- Make lingerie part of your clothing budget. Sexy lingerie doesn’t have to be expensive and this is one area where your husband won’t mind you spending a few extra dollars…I promise.
- Reserve one special perfume that you wear only for those intimate nights together. The scent alone will be all the encouragement he needs.
- If you have children at home, rent a hotel room occasionally. A romantic getaway to a hotel makes a wonderful birthday or anniversary present. You might have a difficult time explaining what you gave him to his friends, but the grin on his face will give it away regardless.
- Say your husband’s name during intimate times…”I love you__________.”
- Write him love notes on the bathroom mirror with soap.
- Surprise him in the shower.
- Make a rose petal path from the backdoor (or whatever door he enters from work) to the bedroom. Have the kids visiting a friend for the evening.
Sharon Jaynes is popular speaker at women’s events and author of 18 books including Becoming the Woman of His Dreams-Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For and Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe. To find out more about Sharon’s speaking ministry visit www.sharonjaynes.com. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, The Praying Wives Club