Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’
What do you do when you’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’? Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why. Maybe you honestly admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were. Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now take them for granted. What do you do now?
Here’s a statistic you might find interesting…
According to an analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households, 86 percent of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier. In fact, nearly 60 percent of those who rated their marriage as unhappy in the late 1980’s, and who stayed married, rated their same marriage “very happy” or “quite happy” when re-interviewed five years later. In comparison, those who divorced and remarried divorced again at a rate of 60 percent.
So, starting over may very well be the answer! As long as it’s with the same man.
In the book of Revelation in the Bible, God had this to say to the church at Ephesus. “Yet I hold this against you; you have forsaken your first love” (Revelation 2:4). Ephesus was one of the most loving churches in the New Testament and yet, somewhere along the way, they lost that initial thrill of knowing Christ. Their love for each other and for God had grown cold.
As I read God’s lament, I whispered a prayer. “Oh Lord, how many of us women have forgotten our first love. We’ve forgotten the thrill we felt when we first met our husbands. – the spine tingling chills when he walked into a room, the heart skipping flutter when he called on the phone, the tender wooing when we opened a letter penned by his hand, the electricity of sexual desire stirred with a kiss. Somewhere between taking out the garbage, paying the bills, running carpool, mowing the lawn, disciplining the kids, folding the laundry…somewhere among the mundane routine of life, we’ve lost the romance.
How do we get it back? God gave the church two simple steps and I believe we can apply those same principles to renewing our passion for the man in our lives.
Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place? Remember how you tried to please him, capture his heart, and win his affection? That may have been fifty pounds and a full head of hair ago, but that young man who longed to be adored, admired, and appreciated still lives within his heart. He wants to know if he still “has what it takes.” Let him know that he does.
Everyone loves a love story. Tell your children the story of how you first met and fell in love. Remember special days such as your first date, your first kiss, or when you first realized he was the man you wanted to marry. On your anniversary, listen to a tape or watch a video of your wedding. My husband, Steve, and I celebrate not only our wedding anniversary but also the day he asked me to marry him. I’m sure my son has tired of hearing the story time and time again, but he’s never doubted that his parents are crazy about each other.
Mignon McLaughlin once said, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”  If you’ve lost that lovin’ feelin,’ perhaps you need to do a little remembering and returning of your own.
Ten Ways to Reignite Your Flame
- Look back through photos and letters from the dating days.
- End each phone call with “I love you.”
- Praise him in front of his peers, family, and co-workers.
- Compliment him in private.
- Write him notes based in truths from the Bible such as, “You are a dearly loved child of God,” or “You are God’s masterpiece.”
- Make a list of 25 things you admire about your husband.
- Ask him how you can pray for him each day.
- Hug your husband several times a day.
- Write love notes on the bathroom mirror or shower wall.
- Make him a coupon booklet with items that can only be fulfilled by you. I’ll let you come up with the suggestions.
Sharon Jaynes is popular speaker at women’s events and author of 18 books including Becoming the Woman of His Dreams-Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For and Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe. To find out more about Sharon’s speaking ministry visit www.sharonjaynes.com. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, The Praying Wives Club and Facebook.
 Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage (New York: Doubleday, 2000) 148.
 Judith Wallerstein and Julia A. Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, Hyperion, 2000) p295.
 Lists to Live By for Every Married Couple compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephoens, Hon Van Diest, (Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah, 2001) 108.