Igniting Passion in Your Marriage
by Drenda Keesee
“We just don’t have time for sex,” she said.
“Do you have time to take your children to school, get your hair done, and clean your house?” I asked.
“Well, yes. But there’s no time for sex,” she replied.
The bottom line is: Whatever we esteem as a priority, we make time for in our lives. Sexual intimacy has to be a major priority in our marriages if we want them to last and remain faithful as the apostle Paul stated about not letting ourselves be tempted because we fail to fulfill our “marital duty.”
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t like the word “duty.” It sounds like…a duty. The word that would better describe this is our…
…“act of serving.”
No man wants to make love to a “duty-bound dead fish” of a wife. It’s important to a man to know he is wanted and what he has to give his wife is one of her greatest desires. He wants her to occasionally be the initiator of sex and seduce him.
Seduce my husband, Drenda? Really?
Yes! It’s fine to seduce your husband as long as your intent is purely for your mutual enjoyment and not to manipulate him for some other favor! Proverbs 7:21 unveils how an illicit woman seduces a man: “With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced him.” Another version mentions “her smooth talk.”
Married women should learn a few things that keep their husbands coming to them instead. After all, why do men pay for phone sex if there isn’t something exciting to a man about a woman talking to him in a sexy way about wanting him and what she wants to do with him?
Proverbs 7 also mentions her racy attire, which is not appropriate for public, but certainly fine for the privacy of the bedroom! These are two keys to ignite a man’s passion—use them well.
I laugh at how many magazines promise new moves and secrets to sex. They are right in the Bible! You don’t believe me? Have you ever read the Song of Solomon? It’s an entire book of the Bible about sex and passion within marriage. Of course, if you read it in the King James Version, you may get a little lost, but if you unfold it’s mysteries in a more modern version of the Bible, you’ll find a whole lot of passion going on.
The Song of Solomon describes a couple’s wedding night with great detail and even their romance as it unfolds over time. She speaks of her old and new ways to please her man. We should always be exploring new ways to keep our sexual intimacy alive with our husbands. Women can get prudish and distant over time, and men can get mechanical, like a football player with one move in their playbooks. But we should both attempt to stay fresh and experience greater fulfillment as our love deepens.
For more advice on sex and intimacy in marriage and answers to many other important life questions, get your copy of Drenda’s book She Gets It!
Listen in Now to Faith Life Church!
Drenda Keesee’s contagious zeal and humorous personal experiences help make her ministry of spiritual, emotional and relational wholeness one that will bless your life and spark a new fire in your spirit.
A wife of over 30 years and a mother of five children, Drenda has ministered at churches, seminars, and conferences, and through the mediums of television and radio, for more than 20 years.
Her books, The New Vintage Family, Better Than You Think, and She Gets It are available wherever books are sold. In these heartfelt books, Drenda shares her personal journey and the life lessons that have brought her to where she is today, as well as practical answers that all people need to live a joyful life.
Drenda and her husband Gary founded Faith Life Now, a ministry designed to spread the message of freedom in the areas of finances, faith, marriage and family. Faith Life Now hosts conferences worldwide, and sponsors both Fixing the Money Thing, which Drenda co-hosts with her husband Gary, and Drenda.
Through their own life experiences, the Keesees have found the principles from God’s Word to be powerful and effective. At one point, Drenda was a young, suicidal feminist with no hope of ever being “good enough” for her own standards of perfection. She never wanted the “inconvenience” of a husband or children, and she was on her own path to success. But the stress of trying to achieve perfection and perform for love left her broken and used. She had success, but it was nothing compared to the pain and loneliness it had also brought.
That’s when God got a hold of her heart. It was there—at her lowest point—that she found the One who accepted and loved her, faults and all. Since that transformation, Drenda has had a passion to reach women who find themselves where she once was.
She married Gary after attending college, and there she found herself in a personal boot camp of sorts. She says, “I cried and told God, ‘I can do anything but be a wife and mother.’” She committed to learning how to do it God’s way. Through the many years of raising their children and struggling to make ends meet, Drenda learned from their mistakes. “I didn’t know how to be a wife and mother, but God saved our marriage, taught us how to parent our children for success, showed us how to have financial success, and then irony of all ironies, He called us to ministry.” It’s truly because of these life experiences that Drenda can now share so many insightful principles for people who are now going through the same struggles.