How to Make Sure Your Husband Doesn’t Feel Like He’s An Afterthought
by Sharon Jaynes
Remember that old childhood chant,
(Girl’s name) and (boy’s name) sitting in the tree
First comes love,
Then comes marriage,
Then comes baby in the baby carriage.
Did you ever wonder why there wasn’t a second verse? I think a lot of husbands do.
I’ll admit, when my son, Steven, came into the world, it was a challenge not to pour all my energy and attention into that little bundle of love that held my heart in his tiny hand. I think there were times when my husband wondered where he fit in once our first child was born. And he’s not the only guy who’s felt that way.
Rob Parsons, the author of The Sixty Minute Marriage Builder, wrote about the adjustment his marriage went through after the birth of their first child.
I have sympathy for the person who said, “Insanity is hereditary—you get it from your kids!” I don’t think I could love my children more, but why didn’t anybody warn my wife and me of the changes they were going to cause in our relationship? One minute Diane and I were spending our evenings taking walks together, visiting friends, and reading in front of the fire. The next we were walking the halls at midnight singing nursery rhymes and dealing with postpartum depression—in me!
A mother should never feel guilty for putting her husband before her children. I grew up in a very volatile home where my parents fought on a regular basis. They vacillated between heated arguments and passive-aggressive silence. I felt like our home was teetering on a fault-line and I never knew when the big one was going to hit. There were many.
As a child, I would have given anything to know my parents loved each other—that my daddy was Mom’s priority and my mom was his. When I was six years old, my favorite aunt took me shopping to buy my mom a present, and I picked out a very revealing nightgown. Everyone got a big laugh out of my selection. But in my little girl heart, I thought that if my mom wore the nightie, then maybe dad would like her. Then maybe she would like him. And maybe everything would be OK. Security. That’s what I wanted.
So when my son, Steven, was born, I wanted to make sure that he knew that his mommy and daddy were crazy about each other…and always would be.
Obviously, a child requires more time and energy than a grown man, but a skillful wife assures her guy he is still number one in her heart.
Here are a few ideas from my book, A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your Marriage, to let your husband know that he’s now an afterthought, but still holds the key to your heart.
- Text your husband a love note with a hashtag such as #crazyaboutmyman, #crazyinlove, #hunkyhusband, or #happywife.
- Sneak his car to the car wash. Then leave a note on the steering wheel that says, “I love you. Enjoy your clean car today!”
- Purchase a bottle of the cologne he wore when you were dating and give it to him as a surprise. Just the idea that you remembered it will stir his heart. He’ll feel like Romeo just putting it on.
- Go by his workplace and slip a “ticket” under his windshield wiper. Write the following: “You have been cited for being the most amazing man in the world.” Sign it, Officer (your name).
- Plan a date night at your favorite restaurant or even an overnight in a hotel. Give your husband a note that says, “I want you all to myself.” Don’t talk about the kids for at least 24 hours.
Leave a comment and tell one way that you have let your husband know that he is a priority in your life. Or, if that’s an area that you need to work on, leave a comment and tell one way you will let him know that he is a priority in your life.
Sharon Jaynes is a conference speaker, author of 21 books, and devotion writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries and Girlfriends in God. Her latest book, A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your Marriage, includes hundreds of ways to show your man just how much you love him. Visit www.sharonjaynes.com for a few download of 25 Ways to Romance Your Husband. She’s been romancing her husband, Steve, for 37 years. They call NC home.