How to Make Sex Happen When Life Gets in the Way
by Terri Bonin
My husband and I were married 2 weeks before he started dental school, and we quickly became two ships passing in the night as our schedules began to steer in opposite directions. As poor college students trying to survive, it didn’t take long for us to realize one of us needed to drop out of school if we wanted to eat. We like food. So I took the honor and landed a stable job downtown. In the evenings, with all my leftover energy (sarcasm intended) I ran a busy little home business. My new life partner attended school by day, studied in the evening, and threw the newspaper in the wee morning hours! We evolved into hardworking roommates trying to stay afloat with our bills and responsibilities. One evening, while sitting at our kitchen table with books and paperwork sprawled everywhere, my young husband looked at me and said, “We should have sex.”
I literally opened my calendar, studied it for a minute and answered with a yawn…
“How’s Tuesday night? I’m open.”
It’s funny now, but the point is, we had to PUT IT ON THE CALENDAR because we were both inescapably busy and EXHAUSTED! During that season, when he was balancing dental school and working and I was juggling two jobs to help ends meet, we literally wrote “sex” on the calendar at least a few times a week. We wanted each other. We wanted to want each other, but we had almost every single excuse listed above standing against us. We chose to press into the situation and set our appointments for sex. I’m glad we did.
Fast forward several years and many kids later, my husband and I still enjoy a consistent sex life without having to yawn through the experience or set appointments. It’s frequent and fun now that we’ve adjusted to the burdens of adulthood, but the fact is life did not slow down. Rather, it has a new set of challenging responsibilities, but we’ve developed the habit of pressing into our intimate life regardless of outside circumstances. Don’t wait for life to slow down. It won’t. We deem it a priority because physical intimacy within a marriage heals soul wounds and emotionally bonds a couple. But don’t let me fool you, just because we have a nice rhythm does not mean we’re always on the same page. For instance, one Saturday while working around the house we decided we needed a break from our chores. I understood that we were sneaking away for a quick lunch date and would return home right afterward we ate. However, after lunch he pulled the car up to the Marriott! In his mind, he had planned the ultimate surprise for me!! I was surprised all right when I understood his intentions. I was MORTIFIED! My hair was greasy. I had on my least favorite EVERYTHING! I had the legs of Conan the Barbarian! Was I happy about this surprise trip? NO!! Call me spoiled, but I like to be prepared, clean, feeling pretty… We talked through how I felt, and since then we have put “Marriott” on the calendar! Some women are ALWAYS prepared for this type of surprise, but I’m not one of them. Half the time I have spit up on my shirt and peanut butter in my hair. Thus the life of a mom of many, but I wouldn’t trade it! I love my life, my kids and my husband’s high sex drive. I just like a little heads up before clothes start flying.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, get with your husband and write “sex” on the calendar with him. The anticipation will give you both a swing in your step. You’ll make sure your legs (and appropriate body parts) are freshly shaven. (Try the Mirah shave oil! MmmmmmMmmmm!!) You’ll have on your favorite panties (maybe some lingerie to get you in the mood, some crotchless panties, or perhaps none at all). You’ll have your essential oil mixtures easily accessible, and your mind will be in the game! There’s something to say for budgeting physical intimacy into the schedule!! Plan it. And make it happen!
If you would like a private invite to the for ladies only Sex & Oils Facebook party please send us a private message on our Facebook page here! You can come in your pj’s in the privacy and comfort of your own home and learn more about having a healthy happy sex life with your husband! It’s G-rated and still chocked full of great information and tips!
*The excerpt was taken from Terri’s new book “Drops of Pleasure“, where you can find more insight on married sex and recipes to take your love life from ho-hum to off the charts WOW!
Meet Terri Bonin, the author of 31 Days to Fit, 14 Days to Ignite Your Marriage, and Live, Laugh, Love, and Laundry. Terri’s 23-year union with her favorite dentist (her husband), has been prosperous in their prolific production of 10 darling children. She also holds a degree in nutritional counseling which seems to be most frequently used to persuade her children to eat their greens. Terri’s secret pleasure is sneaking away from juggling the daily tasks, homeschooling, and dating her husband to escape to her office to write for her own enjoyment. As you can imagine she has a LOT to write about!