How to Fight in Marriage
by Drenda Keesee
“I’m so tired of picking up your laundry!”
“You overspent again!”
“You never make time for me!”
How many times have you said something like that to your spouse?
Or wanted to?
How often do you allow yourself to get into a pattern of bickering with your spouse over things like money, household responsibilities, how often you talk to your mother, how often you have sex, or other issues?
If you’ve ever fallen into a pattern of bickering with your spouse, you know how easy it is to stay there.
And that’s just what the enemy wants.
Because he knows that if he can keep you fighting over the dirty laundry, who’s on bath duty, who spends more money, or anything else, then he can keep you…
…out of agreement and away from your inheritance in the Kingdom of God.
The enemy’s greatest goal is to divide and conquer, and too often we let him in our marriages.
Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our enemy is not flesh and blood, but the rulers of the darkness of this world. Why do we forget that? Why are we willing to practically wage war with the person we’re supposed to love most over the most insignificant things? Are the petty things like him not emptying the trash or her buying that extra pair of earrings really worth you missing out on the promises of God? No!
One of the key principles to receiving from God is AGREEMENT. The Bible says your prayers will actually be hindered if you’re not in agreement with your spouse. You just can’t give any place to the enemy.
So how do you stop looking at your mate as your enemy and build unity in your marriage?
- Make sure there is no sin in your life.
Sin not only destroys unity between you and your mate, it destroys unity between you and God.
- Don’t compare yourself or your spouse to others.
No couple is perfect, and no person is perfect. Don’t be deceived. Remember, you only see people’s public face, not their private struggles.
- Focus on the positive in your spouse.
We all have faults. It’s human nature to hide our own faults but point out the weaknesses in others. God sees both you and your spouse as valuable. Look at your spouse the same way. Find positive things to focus on.
- Pay attention to what you’re saying.
Use your words to build up, not tear down. Your words are seeds that will produce fruit. Don’t say things like, “You never…” or “You always…” Realize how much power your words have to build unity in your marriage or destroy it.
- Pray together.
If you’ve never prayed together, or if it’s been awhile, it will be awkward and uncomfortable. Do it anyway.
- Learn more about the differences between you and your spouse as a man and a woman.
We communicate differently! The more you understand that, the less communication breakdowns will occur in your marriage.
Make the decision to apply these tips to your marriage regardless of whether your spouse reciprocates or is accepting of the change in you.
ps…Are you looking for a good church? Be sure and listen on Saturday evening or catch the 3 services on Sunday for Faith Life Church!
Drenda Keesee’s contagious zeal and humorous personal experiences help make her ministry of spiritual, emotional, and relational wholeness one that will bless your life and spark a new fire in your spirit.
A wife of over 30 years and a mother of five children, Drenda has ministered at churches, seminars, and conferences, and through the mediums of television and radio, for more than 20 years.
Her books, The New Vintage Family, Better Than You Think, and She Gets It are available wherever books are sold. In these heartfelt books, Drenda shares her personal journey and the life lessons that have brought her to where she is today, as well as practical answers that all people need to live a joyful life.
Drenda and her husband Gary founded Faith Life Now, a ministry designed to spread the message of freedom in the areas of finances, faith, marriage, and family. Tune in for their weekly messages here. Faith Life Now hosts conferences worldwide and sponsors both Fixing the Money Thing, which Drenda co-hosts with her husband Gary and Drenda.
Through their own life experiences, the Keesee’s have found the principles from God’s Word to be powerful and effective. At one point, Drenda was a young, suicidal feminist with no hope of ever being “good enough” for her own standards of perfection. She never wanted the “inconvenience” of a husband or children, and she was on her own path to success. But the stress of trying to achieve perfection and perform for love left her broken and used. She had success, but it was nothing compared to the pain and loneliness it had also brought.
That’s when God got a hold of her heart. It was there—at her lowest point—that she found the One who accepted and loved her, faults and all. Since that transformation, Drenda has had a passion to reach women who find themselves where she once was.
She married Gary after attending college, and there she found herself in a personal boot camp of sorts. She says, “I cried and told God, ‘I can do anything but be a wife and mother.’” She committed to learning how to do it God’s way. Through the many years of raising their children and struggling to make ends meet, Drenda learned from their mistakes. “I didn’t know how to be a wife and mother, but God saved our marriage, taught us how to parent our children for success, showed us how to have financial success, and then the irony of all ironies, He called us to ministry.” It’s truly because of these life experiences that Drenda can now share so many insightful principles for people who are now going through the same struggles.