How to Connect in Marriage
by Drenda Keesee
Are you familiar with this scenario?
Mountains of laundry, dirty dishes in the sink, homework that needs to be done, dinner that needs to get prepared, and so many toys on the floor that you can barely see the carpet.
When you’re trying to manage all of your daily tasks, it’s easy to become disconnected from your spouse. It happens to us all at some point or another. Sometimes, you are so busy you don’t even notice HOW disconnected you have become.
Marriage isn’t easy, but it is one of the most important gifts God has given us!
That’s why God wants to be involved in your marriage to help you through the tough times!
Families are so important to God, and I want to help you keep your marriage strong. Here are some tips that have helped me over the years…
Tips to Reconnect with Your Spouse:
1. Giving affection
Did you know that when you hug someone, your brain releases endorphins? Hugs can even reduce blood pressure and provide a general feeling of well-being. The power of a nice long hug is truly amazing! We don’t think twice about hugging our children, but how often do we hug our spouse? Taking just a few seconds to hug your partner can reaffirm your love in a big way!
2. Leaving them positive notes
Marriage is often interrupted by hundred of daily parenting tasks, so finding time is difficult. But how much time does it take to write a few positive words, like an inside joke or an “I love you,” on a post-it and leave it somewhere your spouse will see it? Life is full of hiccups, negative circumstances, and daily to-do lists, so interrupting the daily chaos with a thoughtful note can do wonders in a marriage. It will help your partner feel appreciated and encourage them to do the same.
3. Making time for date night
I know, I know, at the end of the day, it takes all of your strength to sit on the couch with your spouse and not fall asleep by 9:00 P.M., but date nights are such an essential part of a marriage! Marriage is about teamwork, and a team’s success depends on them being in sync with each other. If you can’t afford a date night, ask your friends with children to do a babysitting swap. If going out isn’t an option, plan a date night in; cook dinner for the kids then have a later dinner together after they go to bed.
4. Doing little activities together
Write down a bucket list of everything you want to do, whether it’s exotic vacations, starting a nonprofit, or running a marathon. This will be a chance to dream together again. Once a couple stops dreaming, they stop really living. Make time to dream! Our God is the God of big dreams!
5. Knowing when to walk it off
This might be the most important tip to having a healthy marriage! The enemy’s greatest goal is to divide and conquer. Satan is after the power of agreement, especially among spouses. He works to pit you against each other, so you aren’t in unity working together against him. When rough spots show up in your marriage and strife enters the scene, sometimes the best thing you can do is walk it off before you say something you can’t unsay.
Ephesians 6:12 reminds us, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (NIV).
No matter what you’re dealing with in your marriage today, don’t forget that your spouse isn’t the enemy. Stand on the Word of God and speak it into your situation. God will perfect that which concerns you!
ps…Are you looking for a good church? Be sure and listen on Saturday evening or catch the 3 services on Sunday for Faith Life Church!
Drenda Keesee’s contagious zeal and humorous personal experiences help make her ministry of spiritual, emotional, and relational wholeness one that will bless your life and spark a new fire in your spirit.
A wife of over 30 years and a mother of five children, Drenda has ministered at churches, seminars, and conferences, and through the mediums of television and radio, for more than 20 years.
Her books, The New Vintage Family, Better Than You Think, and She Gets It are available wherever books are sold. In these heartfelt books, Drenda shares her personal journey and the life lessons that have brought her to where she is today, as well as practical answers that all people need to live a joyful life.
Drenda and her husband Gary founded Faith Life Now, a ministry designed to spread the message of freedom in the areas of finances, faith, marriage, and family. Tune in for their weekly messages here. Faith Life Now hosts conferences worldwide and sponsors both Fixing the Money Thing, which Drenda co-hosts with her husband Gary and Drenda.
Through their own life experiences, the Keesee’s have found the principles from God’s Word to be powerful and effective. At one point, Drenda was a young, suicidal feminist with no hope of ever being “good enough” for her own standards of perfection. She never wanted the “inconvenience” of a husband or children, and she was on her own path to success. But the stress of trying to achieve perfection and perform for love left her broken and used. She had success, but it was nothing compared to the pain and loneliness it had also brought.
That’s when God got a hold of her heart. It was there—at her lowest point—that she found the One who accepted and loved her, faults and all. Since that transformation, Drenda has had a passion to reach women who find themselves where she once was.
She married Gary after attending college, and there she found herself in a personal boot camp of sorts. She says, “I cried and told God, ‘I can do anything but be a wife and mother.’” She committed to learning how to do it God’s way. Through the many years of raising their children and struggling to make ends meet, Drenda learned from their mistakes. “I didn’t know how to be a wife and mother, but God saved our marriage, taught us how to parent our children for success, showed us how to have financial success, and then the irony of all ironies, He called us to ministry.” It’s truly because of these life experiences that Drenda can now share so many insightful principles for people who are now going through the same struggles.