Getting Him to Tell You You’re Pretty
By Steve & Rhonda Stoppe
Imagine if you had a weekly appointment with an older couple who could teach you their secrets to building a happy marriage. That’s what you’ll find in our new book: The Marriage Mentor – Becoming the Couple You Long to Be.
But in more than 30 years of mentoring couples my husband, Steve, and I also know most couples mean to build a better marriage but they think, There’s always tomorrow to work on our relationship. Sadly, for most couples, tomorrow never comes.
So, we get it, you’re busy. And you or your spouse may not be a reader. So, the idea of reading yet another marriage book kinda’ seems like just one more thing to add to your already daunting schedule. So here’s what we did to help…
First, we wrote in an easy-to-read, interactive manner that’ll make you feel like you’re just hanging out with us. And, Steve wrote short sections highlighted in gray boxes for husbands to read (so he doesn’t feel the pressure of having to read the entire book with you.) In the book, Steve explains to the men, “My wife wrote the long version for your wives to read, but I’ve helped you out by providing you with the “Cliffs Notes” version in the gray boxes you’ll find in each chapter.” Steve, also wrote wonderful words to the wives at the end of each wife’s section.
And if that’s not enough, we realize some of you, and/or your husbands may not be readers. So, Steve & I have also recorded FREE VIDEOS to go along with each chapter of the book. It’s our hope that watching the videos with your spouse will be the encouragement you need to actually read together The Marriage Mentor because it’s jam-packed full of great information to help you become the couple you longed to be on the day you said, I do. (You can find links to each video on The Marriage Mentor book page on my website: NoRegretsWoman.com
That being said, here’s a peek at one section Steve wrote to the wives in Chapter 6:
Telling Her She’s Pretty & Keeping His Attention:
A Word from Steve:
I have raised dogs all of my life. When I was a young man, German shepherds captured my attention. But after a less-than-favorable experience with one of my shepherds, I moved on to golden retrievers. Most retrievers are loyal, friendly, and loving dogs—without the killer instincts of a German shepherd. And as puppies, golden retrievers are generally happy-go-lucky and clueless.
Many of us men may try to come off like the German shepherd, but truth be known, when it comes to knowing how to make our wives feel beautiful or special, many of us are more like clueless puppies.
Through the years, Rhonda has helped me understand how much she needs me to tell her she looks attractive. For me—and many men I have talked to—it is easy to develop an attitude that says, “I told you that you were pretty when I met you. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know.” But with my wife’s sometimes not-so-gentle prompting, it didn’t take me long to figure out “That ain’t how it’s done!”
My beloved has had to remind me numerous times over the years how much she values my words of affirmation. Even after more than 30 years of marriage, she still needs to know I find her attractive. Maybe you can relate.
I’ll let you in on a little secret: for some reason, I am a little reticent to use the word pretty (a confession I have not even shared with Rhonda—until now because she is editing this section for me. Thanks, babe!). My hesitation to use that word probably comes from some regressed memory that would take a lot of therapy to get through. However, suffice it to say, pretty just doesn’t feel like a manly word for me to use. I usually say something like, “Baby, you look hot!” But I digress.
The point is, don’t feel hurt if you have to patiently remind your husband of your emotional need to hear him tell you… you’re attractive to him. We men really want to meet the needs of our wives, but sometimes we feel awkward, or simply forget how much you value our affirmation.
If your hubby needs a little prodding, do it patiently and lovingly. Remind him of how much you want to be pretty for him, but tell him you also need to hear from him when you put forth the effort. (If your husband is one who frequently tells you you’re beautiful without being reminded, count your blessings and tell him you appreciate his sensitivity.)
While we are on this subject, the next time you ask your husband’s opinion about how you look in the outfit you are wearing, don’t back him into a corner asking him questions like, “Does my rear look big in these pants?” Seriously—how is a man supposed to answer that question?
And if you ask your man to choose between outfit A or outfit B, do him a favor and wear the one he chooses. If you’re not willing to do so, you would be wise not to ask his opinion in the first place. (How would you feel if your husband gave you two options and then promptly dismissed your choice?)
Here is one more insight for you: When Rhonda and I are running late, the last thing I want to tell her is, “Oh, yes, babe, the outfit you had on before looked way better on you. You go ahead and change. I’ll just wait in the car and calculate how fast I am going to have to drive to make it to the event on time.” Get my point?
And remember, rather than focus on developing external beauty that will not stand the test of time, devote yourself to cultivating the beauty that comes from within the heart. As Rhonda pointed out in this chapter:
The secret to capturing your husband’s
attention for a lifetime
is in learning to find your worth in
your relationship with Christ.
When you spend your life developing your inner beauty and staying focused on the Lord, your husband’s affection for you will grow as he observes the lovely woman of God you are becoming––even if he is not a believer. The more consistently you pursue Christ, the more beautiful you will become to your husband, to others, and most importantly, to Christ.
For more visit: NoRegretsWoman.com to watch Steve & Rhonda’s video accompanying Chapter 6, as well as a link to listen to Rhonda’s message for wives: Chapter 6 – Finding Your Worth.
Rhonda Stoppe, the No Regrets Woman, has mentored women for more than two decades. Steve Stoppe has pastored First Baptist Church, Patterson, California, for 19. After 37 years of marriage, they’re still head-over-heels and ready to share their secrets to building a no-regrets marriage. They’ve appeared on Focus on the Family and together write books, speak at marriage conferences and rescue troubled ministry marriages at their ranch in Northern California. They have four happily married children and ten grandchildren. To invite Steve & Rhonda to speak at your next event, and for more resources & videos, follow their social media links and connect with the Stoppe’s at NoRegretsWoman.com.
Rhonda is the author of 6 books and appears on numerous radio programs including FamilyTalk, Focus on the Family, Family Life Today and hosts The No Regrets Hour. She speaks at women’s events, Pastor’s Wives Conferences, MOPs and homeschool conventions. Sharing the gospel is her sweet spot––she’s an evangelist at heart.