Did You Fail?
By Drenda Keesee
Do you feel like you’re FAILING as a mother?
From one mom to another, I’ve been there.
Being a mom is the most rewarding job I have ever done, but I would never describe it as easy.
There were days where I got mad at my children and felt like I totally blew it.
Changing diapers? Feeding five kids? Snot, drool, and yelling? Believe it or not, there were days when that didn’t sound fun at all! Ha! I can’t imagine why.
Total honesty here, there were days I woke up and being a stay-at-home mother was the last thing I wanted to do. Facing my children for eight hours alone seemed more draining, challenging, and even more dangerous than the most demanding jobs!
Okay, I’m being overdramatic… but come on, mom, I bet sometimes you feel that way.
It sounds ridiculous, but it’s true! Now don’t get me wrong; there were more good days than bad, but it was hard to find my perspective on those challenging days.
There were days that I can only describe as feeling like I was in a black hole. I just kept thinking to myself, Tomorrow, you’re going to wake up and do this all over again. Is this really your life? You could be doing so many other things!
And the worst part was my lack of enthusiasm on those days made me feel GUILTY, like I was a terrible mother.
I kept thinking, What’s wrong with me? Why am I such a bad mom when it seems so easy for everyone else?
The more I thought about it, the more trapped I felt and the less patient I was with my children. Talk about a self-defeating cycle.
I’ll never forget a particularly hard “mommy day” when I dropped by a friend’s house. My friend opened the door with a traumatized look on her face. Behind her, I saw that two of her children had gotten into baby powder and were covered from head to toe in it. Their eyes barely peered out of the white mess caked on their skin.
All of the stress from my day disappeared, and I burst out laughing. My friend started to laugh, and we both laughed until we cried!
Later she told me, “I’m so glad you came when you did! I was about to lose it.”
Mom, sometimes all we need to know is that we’re not alone in order to regain our perspective.
There are days as a mother that are trying—but instead of having guilt, shame, and self-pity, just laugh your way through it! You’re not the only one who has those days!
Repeat after me: “I am NOT a bad mom. I am a GOOD mom having a bad day.” —Natalie Hoage
I’m being extremely vulnerable with you because I know you’ve been there, too. In fact, I’d almost guarantee every mother has!
Listen, mom—every parent makes mistakes. We all have off days. There are no perfect people, and there is no condemnation in Christ.
I think we often tell ourselves, “Sure, people have made parenting mistakes… They gave them too many cookies or something. They’re not talking about the types of mistakes I’ve made!”
I want you to know that you are not alone.
I had to learn very early on to give myself a lot of grace. When you have to change 30 diapers a day, clean 5 sets of sticky fingers, cook dinner, survive on 5 hours of sleep, fold laundry, and homeschool, you can feel overwhelmed at times!
There were times I felt defeated; however, God always reminded me to operate in His grace.
God’s grace was sufficient for my every mistake, and when I felt clueless as a parent, it was God’s grace that pulled me through.
Second Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Accept that you are doing your best for your kids. You are a daughter of the King, and He will give you the power to move forward!
Keep fighting for your family, and stay strong. It’s worth it!
Listen in Now to Faith Life Church!
Drenda Keesee’s contagious zeal and humorous personal experiences help make her ministry of spiritual, emotional and relational wholeness one that will bless your life and spark a new fire in your spirit.
A wife of over 30 years and a mother of five children, Drenda has ministered at churches, seminars, and conferences, and through the mediums of television and radio, for more than 20 years.
Her books, The New Vintage Family, Better Than You Think, and She Gets It are available wherever books are sold. In these heartfelt books, Drenda shares her personal journey and the life lessons that have brought her to where she is today, as well as practical answers that all people need to live a joyful life.
Drenda and her husband Gary founded Faith Life Now, a ministry designed to spread the message of freedom in the areas of finances, faith, marriage, and family. Tune in for their weekly messages here. Faith Life Now hosts conferences worldwide, and sponsors both Fixing the Money Thing, which Drenda co-hosts with her husband Gary, and Drenda.
Through their own life experiences, the Keesees have found the principles from God’s Word to be powerful and effective. At one point, Drenda was a young, suicidal feminist with no hope of ever being “good enough” for her own standards of perfection. She never wanted the “inconvenience” of a husband or children, and she was on her own path to success. But the stress of trying to achieve perfection and perform for love left her broken and used. She had success, but it was nothing compared to the pain and loneliness it had also brought.
That’s when God got a hold of her heart. It was there—at her lowest point—that she found the One who accepted and loved her, faults and all. Since that transformation, Drenda has had a passion to reach women who find themselves where she once was.
She married Gary after attending college, and there she found herself in a personal boot camp of sorts. She says, “I cried and told God, ‘I can do anything but be a wife and mother.’” She committed to learning how to do it God’s way. Through the many years of raising their children and struggling to make ends meet, Drenda learned from their mistakes. “I didn’t know how to be a wife and mother, but God saved our marriage, taught us how to parent our children for success, showed us how to have financial success, and then irony of all ironies, He called us to ministry.” It’s truly because of these life experiences that Drenda can now share so many insightful principles for people who are now going through the same struggles.