Child Training Gone South

I’ve heard it said that a person’s private life will reveal itself in public eventually.  Well, I experienced this first hand a few years ago on a Sunday and it was NOT PRETTY! It all started at church when the music began. The upbeat orchestra and choir energized one pig-tailed little girl, right into a mess of trouble.

My private life was revealed when our little two-foot, rosy-cheeked Prissy Pants turned her father and me inside out in front of several thousand wondering people.

I am passionate about finishing strong with my children…faithfully raising and training the younger ones with as much vigor and energy as was poured into our older children. Well, Sunday morning during worship, it was revealed that our youngest has had me wrapped around her pinky finger to the point of…

NOT TRAINING HER PROPERLY!

Well NOT ANYMORE, Sista!

My husband and I like to keep ALL of our kids in worship with us even the baby. It’s such a sweet time we don’t want ANY of them to miss it… especially the little ones. However, apparently, I have relied too heavily on the trickle-down effect with my youngest when it comes to appropriate behavior in public.

Let me say that “being good” in the big auditorium at our mega-church simply has not trickled down to one little child with a name bigger than herself (which I will not mention in order to protect the innocent…or should I say the guilty.)

The music started and little Miss Prissy got ENERGIZED. She decided her dancing feet needed to be on the ground and not dangling from mama’s hip.

So I put her down.

Big mistake.

After darting down our row like her pants were on fire, she decided to collect every single pen and bulletin stuffed in the back of the chairs in front of us. I’m sure she had planned to poke her eye out, and accidental paper cuts, that would lead to blood-curdling screaming, as her grande finale.

Her Daddy and I looked at each other with horror, when we COULD NOT CATCH HER without a scene. Finally, I grabbed the child and weaseled the pens out of her hands. She arched her back, threw her head upside down, and did the double-decker twist around trying to get out of my arms. So I did the sensible thing… and handed her to her father.

The acrobat could not be tamed.

She wanted down with NO DISCUSSION.

He held on tight, but she again pulled the twist and pretzel routine to wriggle out of his arms. The congregation in the balcony was wondering why there was child abuse happening on the 5^th row with no one intervening. I pray the TV cameras missed the fiasco.

I was mortified.

We were battling survival of the fittest… and losing.

“I’M TAKING HER TO THE NURSERY!” I whispered over the loud music.

“YEA! That will teach her!” My disheveled husband chided.

I scooped the squirming tot into my arms and held on for dear life. She in turn managed to lift my skirt with her legs and pull the front of my shirt down at the same time.

As quickly as possible, Miss Prissy Pants was deposited in the nursery where she could run free to her heart’s delight. But wouldn’t you know she was SO MAD, she SAT in the nursery worker’s lap THE WHOLE SERVICE!!

My private child training life is back on track this week. I’m just not sure if I will have the strength to test her again very soon. I hope she enjoys the nursery worker’s lap for a time while my dignity recovers.

Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it”.