Better Friends Better Lovers

Drendra Keesee, family, Happy Life, marriage, Parenting, The Laundry Moms, The New Vintage Family

Better Friends Better Lovers

by Drenda Keesee

In the early years of our marriage, my desire was to please my husband in every way, including sexually. But as the children came and the busyness over the affairs of life began to consume our time, my desire for passion was often diminished.

It is so easy to let our children and busy schedules take away from the priority of our relationship with our spouse. Besides, I didn’t feel as sexy with a “mommy body.” We went to bed night after night tired. We still had sex, but not as frequently, and my enthusiasm was not what it had been.

One night my husband confided in me that since we didn’t make love as often as we once did, it had become a source of…

…great temptation to him.

His heart wanted to be true to me, but his need for sex caused him to feel drawn away.

Initially, I was frustrated that he could even think about meeting his need any other way, but God began to deal with my heart on it. I could see that the frustration I was creating for my husband was much greater. Even though it was very difficult for him to bring it up, I was thankful he had come to me before anything serious had happened.I realized that the sexual pressure he felt was a physical release that he needed, and I had failed to meet it. I told Gary how sorry I was that I had neglected his needs in the midst of trying to serve our family. My intentions were good. I just lost sight of the priorities.

This also led me to analyze my own sexual needs and how we could better fulfill each other. He wasn’t demanding in any way, and our love for each other created a new awareness in this area of our relationship. I made a decision and told him what I wanted to do.“I want to make a commitment to you that from now on we will make love anytime you want to,” I said. “And whenever you feel any temptation, come to me before acting on it! I want to fulfill you.” He was elated that I would be willing to make that kind of commitment to him and more excited about me than I had seen him in a long time. In fact, he was so excited, he laughingly told me, “I want to take out an ad in the newspaper and tell the whole world!” (I guess I just did.)

The fun part is that as I tried to live up to my commitment and serve him, he actually started to serve me even more. He got to the place where he was so sensitive to meeting my needs sexually and understanding of my day and pressures with the children, he would do household work, take care of the baby in the night, and many other things to show his love and consideration for me. I didn’t use lovemaking to get this. I gave it freely and enjoyed doing so, and in return he demonstrated his love in many other ways as well. As a result of Gary’s confession to me, we became even greater friends and lovers.

Now, I challenge women to treat their husbands with the same forgiveness and understanding they would a friend who was struggling in some area. We would be quick to offer them God’s forgiveness and extend our hand in support to help them through a tough trial or problem. So why wouldn’t we give our husbands the same support and consideration? Try it. See what happens.

~Drenda

ps…Are you looking for a good church? Be sure and listen on Saturday evening or catch the 3 services on Sunday for Faith Life Church!

Drenda Keesee’s contagious zeal and humorous personal experiences help make her ministry of spiritual, emotional, and relational wholeness one that will bless your life and spark a new fire in your spirit.

A wife of over 30 years and a mother of five children, Drenda has ministered at churches, seminars, and conferences, and through the mediums of television and radio, for more than 20 years.

Her books, The New Vintage Family, Better Than You Think, and She Gets It are available wherever books are sold. In these heartfelt books, Drenda shares her personal journey and the life lessons that have brought her to where she is today, as well as practical answers that all people need to live a joyful life.

Drenda and her husband Gary founded Faith Life Now, a ministry designed to spread the message of freedom in the areas of finances, faith, marriage, and family. Tune in for their weekly messages here. Faith Life Now hosts conferences worldwide and sponsors both Fixing the Money Thing, which Drenda co-hosts with her husband Gary and Drenda.

Through their own life experiences, the Keesee’s have found the principles from God’s Word to be powerful and effective. At one point, Drenda was a young, suicidal feminist with no hope of ever being “good enough” for her own standards of perfection. She never wanted the “inconvenience” of a husband or children, and she was on her own path to success. But the stress of trying to achieve perfection and perform for love left her broken and used. She had success, but it was nothing compared to the pain and loneliness it had also brought.

That’s when God got a hold of her heart. It was there—at her lowest point—that she found the One who accepted and loved her, faults and all. Since that transformation, Drenda has had a passion to reach women who find themselves where she once was.

She married Gary after attending college, and there she found herself in a personal boot camp of sorts. She says, “I cried and told God, ‘I can do anything but be a wife and mother.’” She committed to learning how to do it God’s way. Through the many years of raising their children and struggling to make ends meet, Drenda learned from their mistakes. “I didn’t know how to be a wife and mother, but God saved our marriage, taught us how to parent our children for success, showed us how to have financial success, and then the irony of all ironies, He called us to ministry.” It’s truly because of these life experiences that Drenda can now share so many insightful principles for people who are now going through the same struggles.

Gary and Drenda pastor Faith Life Church at The Now Center in New Albany, Ohio, and also are the CEOs of Forward Financial Group.